Mickey Mouse Ears
by suspect tomatoes
Summary: Disney World is supposed to be a magical place, unless you're Jeff Hardy. One-shot. For Hatter-Zombie.ate.your.brains. Jeff/OC.


**A/N: This is the overdue story for Hatter! (Why doesn't your name work? It keeps showing up as dots hahahah. Weird.) I hope you like it! I was supposed to write this a while ago, but then I died. Not to say I'm fully alive just yet, but I'm getting there. Now, just as an FYI, it's been literally... fifteen years since I've been to Disney World. I don't know if they still have the true, awesome characters, or if it's being raped by Hannah Montana, so bear with me.  
**

"This is absolutely retarded."

Zay frowned at Jeff, halting their walk by their joined hands. A few people grumbled behind them, stepping around the attached duo before continuing on their journey. "What's the matter, babe?" she asked.

"This is... I don't know. Can I smoke here?"

"I don't know. Probably."

"Thank God." Jeff let go of her hand to take out the pack of Newports in his back pocket, fumbling to light it. His fingers were shaking as he took a drag. "Oh, God, that feels great."

A big Mickey Mouse came up behind Jeff, tapping his shoulder. "You can't smoke here, sir."

Jeff glanced at him, his face darkening. "You're allowed to dress up like a mouse but I'm not allowed to smoke?"

"Jeff," Zay warned. She plucked the smoldering stick from his fingers and dropped it on the ground. "Sorry about that."

The mouse, although you could not see his eyes, seemed to be staring Jeff down. He turned and waddled away.

"Prick," Jeff grumbled.

"Why can't you just have fun?"

"Because this isn't fun for me." He coughed into his fist. "I don't really want to be here. I get off... what? Two days a week? I didn't think I'd be spending them with _Donald Duck_."

"Don't you think this place is magical?" Zay lifted her face to the sky, basking in the warmth of the sun. "Disney World is fun, and you know it."

Jeff ran his hand up his face. "Yes, okay? It's _fun_."

"You don't sound like you're having fun."

"Would you like me to talk like Goofy? _Golly, am I havin' a darn good time, hyuk_!" He glared at her. "Does _that _sound like I'm havin' fun?"

"You should've danced around."

"Christ, Zay, I'm – "

"Here." Zay snagged one of the Mickey Mouse hats from the nearby stand, plopping it a bit lopsidedly onto Jeff's rainbow hair. She grinned. "Aw, isn't that cute?"

Jeff blinked at her, a look of sheer disbelief on his face. "I'm thirty-one years old."

"But you look adorable!"

"Yeah, if I was _five_. I just look like a creepy old guy." He took off the hat and tossed it back onto the pile. "I'm not wearing goddamn Mickey Mouse ears."

Zay huffed. "Fine. You know what, _Jeffrey_? Let's just go. You're spoiling _my _fun now. I don't even want to be here anymore." She crossed her arms and turned away, heading for the exit.

Jeff hustled up beside her and tried to grab her hand, but she jerked away, keeping them crossed. "Zay, come on," he said quietly.

"No. You're so cynical, I can't stand it. Can't you just have fun?"

"Not at Disney World."

"Oh, _right_. They don't sell _drugs _at Disney World."

Jeff stopped walking.

Zay immediately shut her eyes, letting out a short breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean – "

"No, I think you did."

"Jeff – "

"No, no, it's _fine._" He was talking around something in his mouth. Zay heard the lighter flick a few times. "You're right. I'm a pathetic drug abuser."

"Jeff, I didn't say that – "

"You didn't have to." Smoke curled around her head. "It's in your tone."

She turned to face him, frowning at the emotionless shine in his eyes. He just stood there, his chipped fingernails curled around the cigarette between his lips, and waited.

Zay sighed and looked away. "I just wanted to do something different, and all you've been doing is complaining."

"So I'm a drug addict because I'm querulous."

She smiled slightly, blinking back at him. "Nice word."

"I know. Isn't it funny when I actually sound smart?"

"Oh, Jeff." Zay stepped up to him, inhaling his familiar Jeff scent. Cologne dancing with smoke, she let out a satisfied breath. "I'm sorry. Really."

Jeff pulled deeply, burning the cigarette halfway down. "Are you?"

She nodded.

He had that gleam in his eye. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I'm not entirely convinced." He smirked at the burning ember, flicking off some ash before he lifted his heavy eyes. "Perhaps you should show me how _sorry_ you are."

She grinned. "Maybe I should."

Jeff straightened slightly, looking down at her with one side of his mouth lifted. She wrinkled her nose at him, leaning up on her toes to press her lips against his.

"Excuse me, sir."

Jeff let out a frustrated sigh and looked over his shoulder. "What, you _rodent_?"

"You can't smoke here."

"I'm almost finished." Jeff turned back to Zay, lowering his mouth down.

"You need to throw it away right now."

Jeff didn't even face him, just lifted his head angrily. "It's practically _gone_, just let me get the most out of it."

"Sir – "

Jeff growled and pushed Zay back, swinging around to clock his fist across Mickey's stupid face. The guy stumbled and fell, right on his ass.

Some kid a couple feet away started screaming.

Jeff was all smiles when he turned back to Zay. "Wanna go on Space Mountain?"

Zay crossed her arms, grinning playfully. "Suddenly interested in rides, Mr. Hardy?"

He shrugged, his eyes sparkling. "I heard it's pretty dark in there."

**A/N: Hmm.. innuendos. Mr. Hardy, are you being perverted? Pairhaps. :D I nearly died writing this – physically. Now I need to go sleep for sixteen hours. Review.**


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